Life Coach Training

Lesson 15

Cost and Payoff

     In our last lesson we introduced the element of Cost and Payoff in the coaching process.  If your client is stuck with an undesirable result, or not getting a desired result, he may not be aware of the cost and payoff belief system operating behind the results he is getting. If you can bring his system to his consciousness, he can make choices from above the surface of his awareness rather than below it.     

     No one does anything unless she believes that the payoff equals or exceeds the cost.  Everyone perceives a reward for what they are doing. Her reward may not make sense to you, since you would not choose it. But it makes sense to her. Yet there is a difference between real payoff and perceived payoff.

     A real payoff is one that brings joy, life, healing, success, and results that work in the long run and expand in good.  A perceived payoff is one that delivers a momentary satisfaction or ego hit, but ultimately disempowers.

      For example:

      1. Your client is in an ongoing divorce/alimony/child custody battle with his or her ex-. The perceived payoff is that he gets to be involved in drama, reinforce his identity as a victim, be “right,” and perhaps gain a momentary victory here and there. The cost is harmony, money, angst, health, and the creation of a new relationship that works.  A real payoff would be an amicable relationship with his former spouse and opening the door to a new and better relationship with another partner.

      2. Your client can’t seem to move ahead in her chosen profession. The perceived payoff is feeling safe in a known world, limiting risk or exposure, avoiding fear of failure or rejection. The cost is staying in a smaller world than desired, and stifling creativity and expansion. A real payoff would be the satisfaction of stepping into a larger arena and reaping greater personal reward and income.

      3. Your client keeps meeting and dating guys who can’t commit. The perceived payoff is not having to commit herself. The cost is loss of joy and intimacy of relationship. A real payoff would be opening to someone who could meet her on the level she wishes.

      In psychology experiments, if a rat learns a maze that leads to a piece of cheese, and the experimenter moves the cheese, the rat will go down the old maze pattern a few times, but after several no-win attempts, the rat will look elsewhere for the cheese and find it. Humans tend to go down the same cheeseless route with no reward. Yet they perceive a cheese there ― but if the cheese does not nourish them, the reward is illusory.

       Consider your behaviors and the behaviors of those around you in terms of cost and payoff. Be honest about payoff and cost. Regarding yourself, keep asking, “What payoff would reward me on the deepest level?” and head in that direction.

Exercise:

1.      What do you see people around you doing that seems to be netting them a payoff, but is not helping them in the long run?

            What is the perceived payoff?

            What is the cost?

            What would a real payoff be?

2.       What do you do that seems to be netting you a payoff, but is not helping you in the long run?

            What is the perceived payoff?

            What is the cost?

            What would a real payoff be?