Life Coach Training

Lesson 26

Verbiage

      How much should you talk in a coaching session?  How much should the client speak?  What is the proper balance of verbiage between coach and client?

      The answer depends on the quality and content of what is being spoken.  Every coaching session is different, depending on the needs of the client and what wants to happen. Every session is under Spirit’s guidance. If you stay true to this dedication, you will know what to say, and when, how many words to use, and when silence is appropriate.

      The power and results of a coaching session have little to do with the words. The most significant factors are energy, connection, intention, and receptivity to Spirit’s guidance on the part of the coach and client. You could have a session with thousands of words, but if they are empty, the session is meaningless. You could have a session with no words, but if the silence is full, you will move the world.

      Every coaching session is different, even with the same client over time. Sometimes the client needs to purge or share his story, and you serve best by listening. Take care, however, to watch for a point of diminishing returns. If a client goes on and on with a story, the sharing may become counterproductive.  If he is lost in storytelling or a victim mode, you do better to direct him toward perspectives that uplift rather than defeat.

      I worked with a client who usually had meaningful things to say. One day she got onto a verbal bender going on about a drama she was going through. I listened for a while, but at a certain point I realized she was completely in her head and simply rambling. Her words were not serving her or the session. I stopped her and told her, “Okay, just take a deep breath and be quiet for a moment. Come into your heart and listen to what your inner being wants you to know about this.” She was a receptive client, so she complied with my instructions. After a while she expressed what she felt in her heart, which represented an entirely different energy and message than unbridled verbal spewing. That was the turning point of the session, and she thanked me afterward.

      At the other end of the spectrum, I had a client who was an avid meditator. At several points during one session he went silent and fell into a meditation. At first I was uncomfortable with the silence, but then I figured, “This is his session, and if he finds value in meditating on what we just said, I can go with that.”  After several of these interludes, something inside me said, “enough,” and I encouraged him to come back to our conversation and talk about what was going on with him. You just have to tune in to what seems best in a moment. “I do not have to worry about what to say or what to do, because he who sent me will direct me.”

      Some clients are more intent on having you listen to them, and some clients prefer to talk a little and mostly want you to offer your perspectives. Either way can work, but be careful to not fall off the edge at either pole. If your client is going on and you are bored, that is a sure sign they have strayed from their truth. If the session ends up being advice-giving only, you are not helping the client find his own answers. While your client is speaking, listen for the ring of truth. If it is ringing, wait to speak. If it is not, it’s time for you to offer a course correction.

      Stay tuned to the frequency of truth and aliveness, and you will be guided how much to speak or listen. Then you will not have to decide how much to speak or listen, for there will be healthy organic flow that moves your coaching session.