Life Coach Training

Lesson 17

Goal Setting

      There are two levels of goal setting:  (1) the logistical level, and (2) the experiential level. Most goal setting lessons and practices address the logistical level only. Yet they fail to recognize that, even more than their ostensible goal, the client is seeking an experience. A client can accomplish all of her logistical goals, but if she does not meet her experiential goal, she has have achieved little or nothing. If she achieves her experiential goal, she has accomplished what really matters.

      Anyone who wants anything, whether it is increased income, a career achievement, a rewarding relationship, optimum health, or spiritual enlightenment desires the goal because he believes a particular feeling or experience will come with it. And usually that experience will come, because the aspirant believes it will. While many coaches can help an individual set and attain a goal, most never ask the basic question, “Why do you want it?”

      I had a client (I’ll call) Karen, who could never achieve enough. She was wealthy, attractive, highly respected in her profession, had a loving husband, devoted family, and fine home. Yet as a child Karen was trained that she had to be perfect, and if she did not toe the (unreachable) mark, she had failed. So Karen set out on an exhausting quest to attain endless accolades and degrees. Each accomplishment made her happy for a while, but then the old angst of “I need to do more to be valued” set in and she was on her treadmill again.

      In coaching I worked with Karen not at all on how to get the next degree, although I congratulated her for her achievements as they came. Instead, I approached our sessions with the intention for Karen to find value and worth in herself just as she was, even if she never got another degree. Her shift toward inner peace was profound, and we enjoyed a long coaching relationship in which she kept going deeper and deeper in self-acceptance and self-honoring. A willing client, she made magnificent strides. Ultimately Karen’s greatest achievement was not outsider herself, but in.

How to Help Clients Set and Achieve Goals

1.     Help them identify what their goal is, by reading their passion level as they speak, and reflecting to them what your sensor indicates.

2.     Be their cheerleader to remind them that they are capable and worthy of having what they want, and inspiring them to move toward it.

3.     Help them apportion the journey toward the goal into doable steps, and map the first and next steps toward it.

4.     Be their check-in person to keep them on track with any commitments they make to take action toward the goal.

5.     Keep them aware and focused on their inner emotional or spiritual process as they move toward their material goal.

Characteristics of a Healthy Goal

A material or logistical goal should be:

1.       Exciting to the client, chosen out of passion and joy rather than fear, guilt, obligation, or routine.

2.       A stretch beyond the client’s current level of attainment.

3.       A stretch beyond the client’s comfort zone.

4.       Believable and doable as perceived by both you and the client, not so outrageous that is clearly in the realm of fantasy. 

Timelines and Deadlines

      Timelines and deadlines are helpful,  but not for the obvious reason they are chosen. On a surface level, deadlines can help get things done that might have languished a long time or never gotten done at all. Some people get really motivated if they have a deadline coming up, and swing into action effectively. Sometimes when a person realizes something absolutely needs to be done, they drop any resistance and just do it. A deadline also helps mobilize focus and intention, which are absolute prerequisites for success in any project.

      On the other hand, there is a reason they call it a “deadline,” since lots of people are deadened or depleted of life force by straining to meet them. It’s a lot more fun to substitute a term like “completion date” or “goal line” for “deadline.”  Try to reframe “deadline” as a point of vision that stimulates the client with all the rewards and good feelings she will have when the goal is finally accomplished.

      Also check out where the “deadline” is coming from. Is this a fact of life that just has to be done, or has the client established it in his mind as such. If so, is it coming from joy or fear?  Is it realistic and doable?  Is the client more likely to struggle and suffer with pressure and guilt, or be motivated and empowered?

Specific or General Goal?

     How specific or general should a goal be? Should you intend to earn $100,000 by the end of this year, or just intend to make enough money in the right time to have your basic and fun needs met?  The answer is this: Be as specific as possible as long as the goal still feels like fun. If your client can set a specific goal that brings her upliftment and empowerment to think about it, go for it. If that specific goal conjures fear or resistance, step back to a more general experiential goal that lets the client breathe and stay excited.

The Hidden Value of Goal Setting

      Setting material or logistical goals brings inner issues to the surface; the closer you come to a goal or its appointed completion date, the more those issues rise.  I am worth this?  Can I have this? Will getting  this rock my known world?  Will this change my identity as I see myself? Will I feel guilty about doing or getting this?  How do I deal with jealousy or envy from others?  How will this affect my relationship(s)? 

      When these questions arise, you are in your prime position to help your client. While he thought he was on a material journey, he is really on a spiritual journey. If you can key your client into this journey and assist him to answer the inner questions that arise, the goal has served well and you have helped your client make the most of the experience.

Goal-Setting Bottom Line

      When approaching goals remember that the bottom line is to support your client to have an experience of wellness, joy, wholeness, inner peace, self-appreciation, and all the other good things of the spirit. The truth is that she could claim and find all of those experiences right where she stands, and if she did, her material goals would rush to her with little or no effort on her part. Yet we play the game of earth, which can be a very fun one, and to the extent that you have assisted your client to use earth to find heaven, you have served him or her well.

Exercise:

1. Write down a goal you have chosen or are considering choosing:

2. What is the primary feeling or experience you believe this goal will help you attain?

3. Does this goal choice proceed from fear, guilt, obligation, or routine?  Or  from passion, joy, delight, and creativity?

4. Is this goal (1) within your current comfort and achievement zone, or (2) a stretch in achievement and/or beyond your current comfort zone; or (3)  a  huge leap that’s out there fun to think about, or (4) pretty unbelievable and likely impossible from where you now stand?

5. How specific can you make your goal without starting to feel anxious or resistant?

6. Do you have a completion date for this goal?  If so, does the completion date motivate and inspire you, or does it bring a sense of pressure, burden, or obligation?

7. Returning to question 2 above, could you claim your desired experience right where you stand now?