Life Coach Training

Lesson 20

Client as Mirror

      It is not unusual ― in fact it is quite common ― that your clients will bring up questions and issues that you are currently dealing with. While this might at first be surprising and perhaps unnerving, in such an interchange there is a great gift for both coach and client.

      If you are dealing with a money issue; or a relationship challenge; or emotional eating; or a judgment about your weight; or a crossroads in your career; or an attraction to someone other than your partner; or . . . or. . . or ― don’t be surprised when one or more of your clients voice the same questions you are asking yourself.

      Your first reaction might be, “How am I supposed to help this person with this issue when I can’t seem to figure it out for myself?” or “I am a hypocrite for presenting myself as a coach when I am no farther along this path then my client,” or “I have no idea how to respond to this.”  Yet if you can relax and simply take the conversation step by step, you may find light at the end of the tunnel for both of you.

      First, recognize and appreciate that the Law of Attraction has drawn this client with this issue to you at this time for mutual healing. The fact that you are in the coaching role and your client is in the client role at the moment is less important than that the issue is on the table to be looked at by both of you, and give you the opportunity to shine the light on it together.

      Next, get over your judgments about yourself for not having a precise answer at that moment. You are not required to be a perfect all-knowing sage to be a coach. You are a human being on a path of ever-expanding self-awareness, and as such you know some stuff and you are still figuring other stuff out. You are growing along with your client. There may be some things about which you are clearer at the moment, and some things about which your client may be clearer at the moment. You are both on a learning curve, and you can help each other master it.

      It is perfectly fair to say, “It’s funny you should ask me that. I have been asking myself a similar question, and I don’t have the whole answer yet.”  Or, “Actually, I am working on that myself, as well.”  Tell your client any insights you have gleaned, even if they are but momentary glimmers. Then ask your client, “What have you come up with?  Maybe we can shed some light on this together.”

      While you may fear that you will be judged or discredited by your client for still working on the same issue he is, your client will probably appreciate your honesty, gain rapport, and respect you more. If you try to make up an answer you have not yet figured out, or avoid the issue, your client will sense your evasion and you will lose rapport. An honest response will establish you as another human being walking side by side with your client on the path to a shared goal.

      You can also ask for guidance in that moment, and request of your Higher Power, “I am at a loss here for what to say. What would you have me say that would be truly helpful?”  You will be amazed at what comes through if you ask sincerely.

      Once I was struggling with a relationship issue when my friend Sal asked if he could have a chat with me. When he arrived, he told me a story about what he was going through with his girlfriend that was exactly what I was going through with my girlfriend.  It was as if he took the words right out of my mouth! 

      After I got over my initial surprise and discomfort, I told him the insights I had had during my few but meaningful moments of clarity around the issue. I certainly hadn’t mastered the difficulty, but I did have some pieces of possible answers.

      Sal was thrilled with what I told him, and reported, “That was exactly the answer I needed.” He left with a big smile.

      After he departed I shook my head in amazement at what had just happened. It was as if Sal came to help me figure out the issue, and as I took a step to do so, he joined me.

      Remember the line in our Healer’s Prayer:

I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal.

      When a client mirrors your issue, you have a perfect opportunity to put this principle into action. As you put aside your egoistic thought, “I am not qualified in this situation,” you clear the way for Higher Power to enter and deliver the healing that both of you seek. Your client is the angel who came to deliver the opportunity that will bless both of you.

Exercise:

    1.      What issue(s) are you the most sensitive about?

2.      How would you feel if a client came to you and voiced the precise issue you are facing?

3.      How might you respond in a way that would be helpful to both of you?

Affirm:

My clients bring me perfect opportunities to give and receive healing.

I will be healed as I let Him teach me to heal.