Life Coach Training

Lesson 21

Setting Healthy Boundaries

      Some lessons for both coach and client revolve around erasing limits, while other lessons revolve around drawing lines. Some people need to learn how to better say “Yes,” while others need to learn how to better say “No.”  Actually, a “no” to what you do want is a “yes” to what you do want.

      Here are some common areas in which healthy boundary setting will help your practice, and some tips on how to reinforce it:

      1. Time

      Begin and end your sessions on time, and ask your client to do the same. Beware of habitual lateness or rescheduling. Establish a policy that cancellations within a short period preceding the appointment may be subject to a fee. Of course you can make exceptions where appropriate, but if someone is not complying with your policy a stated boundary will help.

      2. Money

      Be clear on your fee and stick to it. (Certainly in the early stages of your practice you can be more flexible, as you also can with people who truly require financial assistance.)  Ask your clients to pay upon receipt of services rather than having to keep asking him or her.

      3. Undo Neediness

      Beware of clients who phone you or ask for your attention beyond a point at which you are comfortable or which is truly helpful to them. While it may seem attractive that you are important to your client, your primary purpose is to empower the client to be self-sourcing. You might want to use a telephone number other than your home or cell for your clients, and give your clients your professional number only. You can do the same with email.

      If a client displays undo neediness, you can encourage her directly to find within herself the answers to her questions or issues, since this will strengthen her more than turning to you on a regular basis. You also have your private life you would like the client to respect. You can also simply not return all of her calls or emails as a statement that your availability is limited.

      4. Emotional Involvement

      Yes, you are a kind, sensitive, caring, and compassionate coach. No, you cannot afford to emotionally take on your clients’ problems to the point that you feel upset or disturbed during your non-coaching hours. 

      Help your clients as much as you can, but do your best to leave your clients’ issues behind after you get off the phone with them.  You can, of course, think about your conversation and consider ways to support your clients, and send them loving energy, prayer, and intention. But don't  allow their upsets to penetrate your own joy field. Holding your joy space while they are prone to upset will be more empowering to them than joining them in upset.

      5.  Confidentiality

      Your clients’ statements and material are sacred to your relationship with him, and should never be discussed with another person, except perhaps for professional purposes, focusing more on the principle or dynamic than the individual person.

      6. Sex and Romance

      Don’t go there. While attractions may sometimes occur and they may be tempting, do not allow sexual or romantic feelings to interfere with your coaching relationship. If your client tells you that he or she has such feelings for you, you can discuss them in the context of illuminating the issues you might help them understand or progress with. 

      7. Business Deals

      It’s generally not a good idea to get involved in business deals with your clients. Anything that might blur the lines of the coaching relationship and distract you from seeing each other clearly should be avoided.

      When you model healthy and appropriate boundary setting, you teach and support your client to do the same in his life outside the coaching relationship. Boundary issues are very common as themes for coaching lessons. Other boundary-setting areas clients might face include:  personal space (such as a child, friend, or other relative encroaching on your client’s personal space); sexual and romantic boundaries (independent of the coaching relationship); putting a stop to self-defeating negative thinking; saying no to overworking or non-productive busyness; avoiding negative people; setting limits on draining or non-productive conversations; creating more personal time for self-nurturing activities; and saying no to favors and demands from spouse, family, or friends.

      If you can alert your client to a boundary issue of which she is unaware and help her set healthy boundaries for herself, you will teach her a skill that she can apply to her benefit in many areas of her life.

Exercise:

1.       Of the boundary issues listed above, which do you have difficulty with, or do you think you might have difficulty with in your coaching practice?

2.       What can you do to firm up your boundaries in such area(s)?

3.       What boundaries other than in coaching do you have difficulty with?

4.       How could you firm them up?

5.       Fill in the chart below with your own answers or those for clients (examples given):