Life Coach Training

Lesson 30

Evolution of a Coaching Relationship

       I have noticed a progression, or evolution, within coaching relationships that continue over a period of time. In today’s lesson I will pass my observations along to you, so that you might be aware of similar dynamics that may occur in your own coaching practice.

      These observations proceed from the model of meeting each client once a month over a six month term. If you work with a client more often or over a shorter term, you might find different results. You might also discover dynamics similar to those I note.

      In general, the coaching relationship starts out as problem-solving (by the client’s choice).  The client presents specific issues or situations in her life that are not working as well as she would like, and she asks the coach for support to help her resolve or improve these situations or attain goals beyond her current experience. Issues generally fall into one of four categories:  (1) Career and money;  (2) Relationships (including family);  (3) Health  (4)  Inner peace and well-being.

      As a coach, I listen carefully and try to identify the area in which the client is experiencing the most stress or where the greatest passion is moving. Usually one sector stands out more than the others. When I sense that area I point it out to the client and suggest that we focus on that situation first.

      After the client has expressed his feelings and I demonstrate that I understand his concerns,  I invite him to become aware of any fears, resistance, or negative beliefs that are fueling the issue. I invite the client to remove the responsibility for his upset from any external person or source, and identify the thoughts and attitudes within himself that are causing distress. If the client is willing to accept responsibility for his part in creating the situation, we are over the hump and healing is in sight. Most clients are willing to do this.

       Some clients are more stubborn, resistant, or intent on being right while designating someone else as the source of their problem. Such clients require more time and persistence. At first I am gentle and I keep suggesting reframes on the situation so the client recognizes she has both power and options. If the issue persists, I will be more direct and lay out the belief system that I believe is holding the client back, and suggest attitudes and actions that would probably work better. Most clients “get it” during the course of coaching. Some “get it” in their own timing, perhaps months or years later. Some never “get it” during the course of your relationship with them. Just do your best to support the client, and leave the rest up to them and the universe. Everyone "gets it" eventually.

      After several sessions, sometimes even one session, the client begins to reap the rewards of the coaching and the insights he has gained. At this point the client will bring you positive reports of attitudinal changes, healing, and tangible results. Such moments bring the deepest reward to both you and the client, and you should acknowledge and reinforce the client profusely for putting the principles into action.

      Around this time the client will begin to recognize the relationship between his thoughts, feelings, and attitudes, and the results he is getting. This is a major turning point in the coaching relationship, for the client is now empowered by self-awareness and recognizes the value of a spiritual or metaphysical understanding of his experience. In a sense, this is your real gift to the client; rather than giving him an answer or having him elicit a short-term answer, you have helped him find the source of all answers.

      As time and sessions pass, the original presenting problems are either handled or the client lightens up in his attitude toward them. At some point you will notice that your coaching sessions are less about issues to be resolved, and you are spending more time speaking about wins and successes. Or you might help the client apply personal growth/metaphysical principles to whatever situation has come up for her during that week or month. You might also find yourself feeling less like a coach and more like someone having stimulating conversations with a friend about how life works and how to keep growing joyfully.  You may hear statements like, “Well, I have no issues to discuss, but I just want to talk about the cool things that have been happening.” At that point you can count your coaching relationship as a success and call the term complete.

      Some clients will gracefully move on at that point, but stay in touch once in a while to say hello or report further progress.  Others may want to schedule with you occasionally in case some particular situation arises around which they would want some coaching.  Other clients may continue with you on a regular basis, just to discuss whatever is up with them that week or month.  The relationship will continue not so much as a problem solving venue, but because your client values your presence and support and wants to maintain that energy in her life.

      Every coaching relationship is unique, but all of them should display some kind of progress or evolution. If you find yourself going over the same kinds of issues for a long time with a particular client without apparent growth, the client may have more investment in his problems than the answers, and I would suggest not continuing.  Most clients, however, will display progress over time, and you will grow with them. You will find rich reward in sharing the client's journey past initial apparent limitations into greater freedom and mastery.

Affirm:

My coaching clients grow and evolve through our coaching relationship.

Together we expand to greater awareness and clarity.

I feel deeply rewarded to participate in my clients' positive evolution.